Chafed.

Running shorts are a joke. I am talking about the running shorts where they are high cut at your hips and barely fall an inch between your thighs. They are a joke if your legs rub together even slightly when running, and a cruel joke at that. A cruel painful joke that reminds you to always apply Body Glide before you leave the house in said shorts.

Story of my life - err, legs - tonight, folks. I left without the gel and my legs look like someone punched them in the thighs. You win some and you lose some when you're not born like Gisele...or like a gazelle, for that matter. 

Regardless of my anti-chafing gel or not, I did have a great run tonight. I convinced myself to run the full length of a section of trail (just over 3 miles total), and I was rewarded at the half way point with a view of four fluffy goslings. I have seen the same gander before on the same trail, different stretch, but seeing them each time is a treat. The goslings are covered in yellow-brown plumage and they are not afraid of anything - typical Canada geese behavior. They just toddle along picking at grass and doing whatever goslings do; it's cute. I do usually catch a warning glance from the male standing tall near the edge of his flock, but I usually toss him a word or two to keep him in his place. 

Yep, I yell at the geese along the trail. I am that crazy person running and yelling at the wildlife...sometimes.

In addition to running the trail this evening, Dave and I also ran in a 5K over the weekend. I was not sure I wanted to run a 5K two weekends in a row, but it was fun and it was for our friends who run OhioOutside.com, so I felt good about the whole endeavor. I also managed to finish the race in just over thirty minutes, but then, it wasn't a certified course, so I only ran three miles total. Not too shabby, though, considering that's just a smidge over 10 minute miles. I will hit my goal this year - I really believe it.

Stats of the Day: Ran 3.05 miles at an 11'16" pace. It's ironic that when I feel slow I am usually running fast, but when I feel fast, I am usually running slow. Today I felt fast and strong, but I ran a normal pace. During the 5K over the weekend, I felt slow, my legs felt heavy, and the hills were alive with the sound of my grunts to get over them...and yet I ran over a minute faster over essentially the same distance. Ridiculous.

Marathon Weekend

This past weekend, Dave and I ventured out to Pittsburgh to meet up with my sister and brother-in-law, who happen to live in Pittsburgh. Several months ago, my sister, Paula, asked us to join her and her husband, Zack, in running the Pittsburgh Half Marathon. I was in no shape to run a half marathon, but Dave agreed to run with Paula. Zack and I decided to do the 5K instead. And then I had to run the 5K alone because Zack partied a little too hard the night before. But, the memories of this fun were enough to sustain my lonesome dash.

Hello, this is what I look like before 7:00 AM and without any makeup. SCARY, right?!

The 5K has a fraction - a tiny, immaterial fraction - of the people that would show up on Sunday for the marathon and half marathon, but it was still the largest 5K I have run. There were a good 2000 people there that morning.

But, I was number 62 so that meant I was awesome. I am so awesome at running I was seeded for this 5K! Or, maybe because my last name starts with the letter "B," I might have had the advantage of the alphabet. I'm going to pretend it's the former. Makes me feel more special!

Oh, but look! I was in the front portion of the 5K and look how fast we were running. My sister, using my Nikon D90, was not able to capture us we were running so fast. It had nothing to do with the fact that poor Paula has never used a DSLR. Nothing at all. She's a natural photographer.

I finished the 5K in just over 32 minutes, which was not a PR for me. I had a really rough second mile after running too fast for the first mile, but then I managed to pick up the pace for the last mile. As I was approaching the finish line, the announcer counted down the seconds for everyone who was going to be under a 10 minute pace for the 5K. I could have kicked myself for pretty much giving up in the second mile at that point, but Dave and Paula were complimentary in stating they expected me to be much slower in the 5K and I finished faster than they thought I would. 

Well, I think that is a compliment. I'll just take it as one anyway.

Now for the marathon pictures:

Dave ran the half marathon in 1:54 and some seconds in change. He looked awesome every time I saw him and I was really proud of him. He stuck to his goals, worked hard, and had a fantastic outcome. Paula, who kind of trained, also did better than expected! She finished her half marathon in 2:15 and some seconds in change. She really pushed through some hard parts of the run, and with a little help from a phantom runner named Zack at miles 9-13, she finished strong. I'm really proud of both of them.

See what goal and hard work can get you? Awesome results. Keep running!!

Change of Pace

Let's just start this party with some honesty! I have decided to stop training for a 10K. Call me a quitter, call me a failure, call me whatever. I am firm in my decision and to me, it's not quitting, it's being smart about goals.

There is nothing wrong with setting hard, lofty goals. I once read that people who set weight loss goals that are more difficult to attain usually lose more weight than those who set a very manageable and low goal. I wouldn't say my goals were easy, but they were a bit impractical for my level of physicality and mental willingness to deal with discomfort.

Running is not comfortable...at least it is not for me. I'm not usually one to equate exercise with punishment, but sometimes running can feel that way to me. I think I feel that way sometimes because I am trying to push my body to do things it simply cannot do in the time frame in which I want to accomplish those things. 

I want to be fast - like 7-to-8-minute-miles fast. 

I could run a 10K today if I wanted to. Six miles is not much more than I normally run (3-4 miles), so it would be perfectly possible to run a 10K. I would likely be extremely slow, though, because I do not train enough for one. I don't run enough miles, run enough days or have the level of physicality it takes to run two 5Ks in a row at my current 5K PR. 

So, it's back to the drawing board with running goals. This time, I am going to pull in my goal-setting skills from the business world and apply them to my personal, running goals. This is going to be a SMART goal.

S - Specific

M - Measurable

A - Attainable

R - Realistic

T - Timely

I am sure many people have heard of or had to set SMART goal - it's a great mnemonic. What I like about them is they give you all the tools you need to create a great goal in very short form.

Specific: Run at least three miles four to five times a week (outdoors or indoors).

Measurable: I will be able to measure the amount of times I run and the mileage through my Nike Running website. I will know I have accomplished my weekly goal because I will see the runs logged online.

Attainable: This is an attainable goal because I can and will make the time (30-40 minutes, minimum) to fit it into my weekly schedule. It is a healthy priority.

Realistic: I am able to run at least three miles and I can run at the frequency I have set in my goals before. It is completely possible to fit into my schedule. I have the time to run.

Timely: I want to have completed this "goal" by August 1, 2012. I expect to run this frequency for the remainder of April, May, June and July. I am setting this length of time because I feel it would be the right length of time to make running more habitual and necessary than an activity I would pass over for something else.

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For me, this goal will replace my 10K and 15K plans. I am still working hard to achieve the goal of running a 5K at a 10' pace - and I am really close. My last 5K was 31'46" - which was a 10'07" mile pace. It was SO close! However, I need to keep my goals realistic. I could run both of those races very slow and be proud of my accomplishments, but I wouldn't be truly prepared for them. I am still not in the shape I want to be for 5Ks, so I want my focus to be on the 5K. I want to do the absolute best I can at one thing before I move onto something else - not a jack-of-all-trades and master on none.

Four by Four

The title should be four by three and one by three point five, but that is not nearly as catchy. I had high hopes for getting four miles in again tonight (as planned), but a combination of things caused me to cut it about a half mile short. I'll spare you the details, but, instead of running four miles each time for the last four runs, I missed it by about half a mile.

Last week, I started training for a 10K (6.2 miles for you non-runners confused by the metric system). In order to accomplish all of my running goals this year, it was time to up the ante - and the mileage. These four mileruns have been good. I have to remind myself that this whole experience is not a race - those are reserved for a few Saturdays or Sundays a month. Becoming a good, consistent runner is a journey. I constantly tell myself throughout the run that I do not have to be fast today to be fast in a race tomorrow. It's good advice because it's true: you should trainer slower than you race. This notion will also be important to remember when I'm racking up eight mile runs and I want to punch someone in the face because it hurts so much to keep on pounding away. 

Don't judge; if you've never subjected yourself to be out of your comfort zone for long periods of time, you probably don't understand. However, I bet there are a lot of distance runners who understand. 

The concept is no different than most others relating to working hard and getting ahead. Except my goal is to run hard and get ahead to the front, maybe even win my age group at some point. If I never reach my goals (listed in the right sidebar), which I think are attainable, I have no one to blame except myself. I set those goals. I am accountable to achieving them. It is the same thing with relationships, life, and work. While I feel blessed in ways I cannot express, I know that I got myself where I am today. I challenged myself over and over and over again to reach my goals. I may have mentors who impart advice when I need new perspective, but they didn't write my story or my resume - they simply peppered in their experience to provide a relateable point of view to teach a lesson or provide insight.

It is the same with running. My very best friends are great runners, atheletes in general, or supportive souls. They don't run the miles for me, but they provide the encouragement and education I need to be a good runner. They tease me when my mileage drops in a week. They praise me at a race well run. They offer to train with me to help me push my limits. I do the same for them. No one can do anything alone, regardless of how independent you may claim to be. Whether it be relationships, work, or the extra-curriculars in your life, if you are good at anything you do, you have a support network. You may just not realize it.

Stats of the Day: A slow run at an 11'44" pace for 3.5 miles. I had planned to run four, but I ended up turning around at 1.75 miles when I caught up with Dave running the opposite direction. Half a mile short, but it was a good run and I didn't have any pain fixation (meaning, my brain was not screaming at my legs the entire run). Simply stated, it was a beautiful day for a lovely run.

I do want to brag a little and state that I did run four miles on Saturday and all I could think about was my friend Mark and Dawn making fun of me for not trying to break through past five miles. Do you see what I mean about a support network? I am being shamed into running longer distance! While five miles was not planned for Saturday, I ran at an 11'08" pace. How 'bout them apples!

Inherently Human and Full of Fault

I enjoy running because running lets me think. I enjoy blogging about running because I enjoy writing. Running gives me topics about which I may write. In a way, they go hand-in-hand. Sometimes, though, I just need to write to get a few things off my chest.

First and foremost, I am a Driver/Expressive personality. When I take the personality type quizzes - even when I purposely try to fool them as if that ever works - I always end up as a Driver. However, when most people meet/interact with me, their first assumption is that I am Expressive. It is critical in getting anywhere in life to understand the person you are versus the person you are perceived to be. Strengths and weaknesses of each personality style aside, I am who I am and it has worked in my favor for the last 29 years. As I address both sides of each view, I become a better person because I know my capabilities and limits in relationships, work, and life in general. Knowing my behavior and having years of experiences, both good and bad, has been hugely beneficial to who I have become today. I am accutely aware of who I am and not many people can say that. This also means I am accutely aware of the idiotic things I sometimes do when I know the consequences are usually not in my favor. Playing with fire usually gets me burned. So, this is where the story begins.

I cannot even recall what made me look up someone from a previous job, but I threw her name into a Google search and there she was with eight million blogs and Twitter feeds published with her full name on them, easily accesible to anyone who knows her. Through one of her Twitter accounts (first page of Google results), I found one blog where she blessed current and former coworkers with strange nicknames and wrote scathing entries about these people in code. The first and second entry either referenced me or was directly written about me - two days after I had left the company for which we both worked. She also referred to me in the footer of the blog, so you can't mistake at all who was the center of her spite. Based on the things she wrote then - and the things she wrote on her most recent "thankful" blog - I am pretty sure she hoped I would find the information and react with offense. 

This behavior intrigued me for a couple of reasons. One, because I mirrored it in my own cruel behavior - and we'll leave it at that. And two, because for someone who seemed to be so happy to be rid of me, she has not stopped thinking about me. There were multiple written accounts on me, my former blogs and whatever else she could deride upon in her multiple blogs. There was a lot of malice, anger and jealously in those entries. For her to be pleased that I might have thought about her recently means we are no better than the other. I hope she eventually recognizes the disappointment that comes with that behavior, too. I have.

Since 2008, a woman who is eight years older than me (I am currently 29) had a lot of frustration with an eager, very ambitious, 25 year old who lacked a lot of "real world" perspective when this woman first met her. And really, that's the last true impression she has of me. She only has the imprint of me at 25 in her mind. At 25, I was the favorite of our boss and she was not. I was often recognized and awarded for my good, hard work and she was not. I was also shrewd when trying to get ahead, but I had (still have) a lot of student loan debt to account for in a monthly salary and I had a five year plan* to make sure I would never miss those payments. I speculate that she had been expecting to enjoy the same perks of the job I enjoyed, but when that did not happen, she saw me as the impedent to her own success.

After I had a laugh about the blog situation (it is ridiculous, silly, and unnecessary, in my opinion), and in poor choice shared it with some people we mutually know, I actually felt bad both in that I shared it with anyone at all and that she only remembered the end of our "interactions" and not the beginning. In the beginning, I tried to be her advocate when our team was not always so nice and not willing to sway to her behavior. In the beginning, I tried to encourage her to do more and be more to get noticed more. In the beginning, I tried to be nice to her, even though I was pretty sure she didn't like me from the moment she met me in a bookstore (her husband worked with us and introduced us that night). But at some point, and I don't remember when, I stopped trying. It was no longer beneficial or worthwhile for me to try to be her friend or ally or positive anything. Call it immaturity, impatience or whatever you might want to call it anymore, but I was 25 when I left and I wasn't exactly the most compassionate person that I am trying to be at nearly 30. Things have changed, albeit I regress at times...case in point. We all have weaknesses. But I stopped trying to make her feel welcome and I know that is when she started to feel that I was the source of all her problems at work. She wouldn't have framed me as an apparition of Satan otherwise. So, I suppose, some of her prose was fair.

I think it is easy, and inexcusable, to throw this situation away with a simple, "who cares?"  It is equally simple minded to take pleasure in knowing someone has thought about you when you never know why they thought of you to begin or end with. I thought about her and, in turn, it made me sorry that we parted with a scowl and not a smile. In every place I have worked since my first job, I have made truly lasting relationships. Positive, happy relationships that remind me of how truly blessed I have been in the years since I left my first job. It made me sorry that my memories of her are twisted, unhappy, and depressing - and it is sad to find she still considers me a "baddie" [SIC]. 

If she were present, I would express these same things to her though I could not promise to be as poetic. This goes back to my personality type. I do not usually mince words and I would rather be honest than say nothing at all - good or bad. For me, it is cleansing to say what I mean and how I mean it. I am an optimist, and I like to be positive and happy with all of my glasses half-full. I want to see the best in people. I imagine she is a good mother, a good wife, and working hard to become a writer in her own. I hope, for her sake, that life is going well and that she is pleased with her situation in life. It seems, based on her latest blog, that she is - save one scathing remark - relishing in the positive. For her, I am happy. If I see her in the future, I will tell her I am happy for her. She deserves as much happiness as I have, if not more more. Everyone does. I hope the same for everyone.

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Post Script: Yes, I know that this all happened because I dropped her name into a Google search. The second time I searched for her name, it spurred this blog post...and this will be the end of it all. I have washed my hands of all of this by getting this off my chest. I needed a therapeutic release or this was going to just spiral in a way I did not want. I wanted to make an honest, realistic assessment of the situation that I would not be unwilling to share...and include my own personal stupidity as part of that. If I see her again, which is completely likely given our close proximity, I won't hold a grudge. My life is too happy and good for this sort of darkness. Life, in general, is too short for this sort of negative behavior.

*Five Year Plan: We (both my husband and I) have exceeded our five year plan beyond what we ever could have expected, and I think it is important to note how we did it. We are fortunate and lucky, but we made our own luck. I firmly believe this. We worked hard, made huge sacrifices, and took big risks to be where we are today. We have a lot of people to thank for seeing us through the past five years, and I am so fortunate to be so loved and supported by so many. I hope to be able to always offer the same level of love, encouragement, and support to others, as well.